Adultery

Anonymous writes:
"My husband had an affair. When I found out, he decided he wanted to stay together. This happened 3 years ago. I have found in the Bible about if we had gotten a divorce then remarried and had intercourse, that I would be guilty of adultery. BUT...what about if we have intercourse after he has had an affair, but we are still married. Have I committed adultery?"

Dear Anonymous,

To answer your question: no. You have not committed adultery by being with your husband after his affair.

Sometimes when something terrible happens to us, it's hard not to feel guilty--to feel like we are to blame. But while I don't know the particulars of your situation, I do know that your husband was, ultimately, the only one who could decide to be faithful or unfaithful to you. But it sounds like, too, that he was the only one allowed to decide whether the two of you would stay together. You have a choice in the matter--this is your marriage, too.

I hope that you'll take the time to face this issue more directly, ideally with the help of a friend, a pastor, or a counselor you can trust to give you good advice. God did NOT set up the world to try and catch us at being bad--God has created us to enjoy life, to love each other, and to love God. Your trust in your husband has been compromised--he has hurt you. But that doesn't mean God has stopped loving you, or that you can't make strong choices for your own well-being. My prayer for you is that you will find God's love ever more real to you as you work through your healing process.

Blessings,

Amy

Reconcilliation

Anonymous asks:

"My boyfriend's 16 yr. old daughter and I had a falling out. I have called her some nasty names in the past. Not to her face but she over heard me. Do you have a poem telling her Im sorry and I do care about her?"

Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you've had to learn a hard lesson about finding constructive ways to express your anger and frustration. Not fun. While the two of you aren't enemies, by any means, there seem to be some ongoing disagreements. I would suggest before you talk to her or give her a note, that you spend time praying for her, or (more secularly) sending good wishes to her in your heart. It's helpful for seeing things from the other person's point of view, and a good way to be sure that disagreements are resolved in a way that is good for everyone involved. As Jesus said:

"Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you."

Having said all that, I think it's great that you're ready to apologize, and I hope you'll be able to say things well and in a way that she can understand and appreciate and that will help you both be more kind and loving to each other. Here are a couple of suggestions that might go well with a note you write to her:

Jude 1:2
May mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance.

Luke 1:78-79 is part of the story of Jesus' birth, and reminds us of the hope God gives:

By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.

Here's a poem from Oldpoetry.com that I think is very honest and expressive. It might be more geared toward a love relationship, but there are still good thoughts there. It's from the Lakotah tradition. I've copied over the first verse, but the entire poem is at this site.

There are time when my tongue should not move
and words should not come from within
they should remain behind the shadow of doubt
like an oceans waves they are capricious...

I hope these are helpful, and that you will be able to start your relationship with each other in a new and better place. But be sure that you give your boyfriend's daughter time and space to think through and decide for herself about whether she's ready to forgive. It's a hard place to be in, but forgiveness can't be forced.

Blessings,

Amy

Books for Studying Religion

Claire Asks:

I am getting into religion and could you suggest any books to read for the study not the practice of religions? Any good survery books or something?

Dear Claire,

Thanks for your question! I think that it would help me to know a little bit better what about religions you'd like to study, and from what angle you'd like to approach religion. However, a few books come to mind:

The Sacred and the Profane by Mircea Eliade

The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell (Haven't read, but know it's a classic)

Religious Autobiographies by Gary Comstock

Her Voice, Her Faith: Women Speak on World Religions by Arvind Sharma (I haven't read this, but it looks like a good overview)

Finally, this book is more about a personal search for the religion that suits you best, but it might be also be interesting as a kind of overview, since it's got several different ways of looking at religious experience (I liked it a lot).

Finding your Religion by Scott McClellan

Roses and Shrines

Angela asks:

Ok - I have a question. Last week I had a retreat and it was held at Maria Stein Center (a Catholic retreat center.) I have never been completely opposed to the Catholic faith, because I am a nut for tradition - but I left with an uneasy feeling and some questions regarding their symbolism and "stuff." On to my questions- On many of the pictures and statues of Mary her sandals had roses on them - does this represent anything? Second, I visitied the "Shrine of the Holy relics" - do these shrines wig you out (cause they do me)?

Angela,

Before the printing press made mass media--newspapers, books, etc.--available to the public, most people couldn't read. People learned about spiritual things, instead, from pictures, symbolism, and the spoken word. So when the church wanted to teach about a particular saint, they gave that person a symbol to go with them to make them recognizable to the person viewing the portrait. So Saint Sebastian, who was martyred, is always shown with arrows going through his body. Saint Ambrose, who earned the nickname "The Honey-Tongued Doctor" often has a beehive nearby.

As you noticed, Mary is often associated with the rose. There are many possible reasons for this. Mary is known as the Queen of Heaven and the rose is, by parallel, known as the queen of flowers. There is also an association with Jesus, whose blood is red like a rose, and who is associated with the Rose of Sharon. In general, the rose is known as the most beautiful of flowers and is associated with love, which made it a rich symbol for imaginative connections with Mary.

To answer your second question: The old shrines with the holy relics in them don't necessarily wig me out, but I do feel like the space is different. It's a little bit like being in a cemetery--close to death and dead people--but with the difference that it's much more public, and there are usually miracles credited to whatever the saint-object is. I usually just feel like there has been a lot of prayer in the place, giving it a sense of peace and mystery, but also, maybe, some desperation.

Funeral poem

"Anonymous asks:
My dad died and tomorrow is the funeral do u kno any poems that are short that may relate to a teenage girl who was never close to her dad bc he did drugs?"

Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about your dad. This is a hard time for anyone, whether or not you were close to him. I'm afraid I've missed the funeral, but for someone whose life was probably not very peaceful, the 23rd Psalm could be a good choice--it talks about finding rest and peace in God's presence:

"Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!

He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.

Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.

You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest; blessings overflow!

Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home."

-- The Book (Tyndale House Publishers)

If this doesn't feel totally authentic for you, you might also try this verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Finally, I have a hymn that I think is very hopeful, called "Hymn of Promise."

"In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see."

I hope these are some ideas that you might be able to use when you're thinking about your dad. I'm sorry to hear that he died, and I hope that you will be able to let go of him gently, but that you'll let yourself be upset about it if you need to be.

Prayers,

Amy

Your questions here

Hi folks,

If you've got a question, put it in the comments here. I've made some changes to so I can respond faster. Thanks!

Fishing for actual fish

Heather asks: "What do you think God says about fishing and hunting when it's not for survival (ie, you don't need to do it to eat)?"

I'm not sure how to answer this one, knowing that Heather enjoys the sport of fishing, and also knowing that I have a fishing license of my own at home and plans to get a rod, reel and some worms to the lake tomorrow morning....

Here goes: God in Genesis gave human beings the role of steward and caretaker of the earth. Fishing and hunting that keep overpopulated animal populations down, and that aren't harmful or cruel to animals fit that role of steward, in my opinion. Wasteful and destructive use of animals, however, does not. The question is: where do you draw that line?

Good question, Heather.

Early Christian Vegetarianism

Tara asks: "is it true that some early Christian communities were vegetarian?"

Short answer: It's very likely that some were, but probably not for the reasons that modern vegetarians have now.

Long Answer: I did some checking around, and it looks as though there are a few vegetarians out there who want to argue that Jesus, et. al. were vegetarian on the principle that meat is bad, animals are to be valued, etc. I find this very difficult to believe based on two pieces of evidence from the gospel: First, Jesus and the disciples were part of a fishing culture, and second, because of a story in which Jesus explains why he's not an ascetic.

In the story of the loaves and the fishes, found in all four of the gospels, Jesus and his disciples are out in the middle of nowhere, and a huge crowd of thousands has followed them there to hear Jesus talk. As it's getting on toward night, the disciples try to get Jesus to set some boundaries and send everyone home for the night. But Jesus' heart swells with compassion and he says, "Well, what kind of food do we have on hand?" There was a little boy there with a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish. Jesus blesses the paltry offering and sends the disciples out into the crowd to hand out the pieces. By the time they're done, the whole crowd has been fed--with leftovers. Based on that story, it would surprise me if Jesus didn't eat fish.

Second, going vegetarian in those days was a spiritual practice for ascetics. If you wanted to get in touch with God through self-denial, one route was by not eating meat. Jesus, however, was more of a party animal than an ascetic. On one occasion, some ascetics confront Jesus because he drinks wine and has a good time hanging out with sinners. Jesus says, "Look, you can't mourn while the bridgegroom is still here." In other words, Jesus wasn't an ascetic, although you could see in that story the early Christians trying to explain why they were fasters (now that the bridegroom is gone) while Jesus wasn't.

So what about those early Christian vegetarians? Basically, there were a couple of reasons why you might be a vegetarian back then: first, as a spiritual practice related to fasting. By eating less, fasters have more time to contemplate God's presence. It's a mystical thing.

Second, Christians became vegetarian in an effort to avoid eating meat offered to idols. Back in those days, all the meat was offered to the gods before people sat down to eat it. Some early Christians took the attitude that it didn't matter if they ate the food since the gods were fake anyway. But others were disturbed by that practice. In this passage, Paul advises against eating food sacrificed to idols, and hence advises a vegetarian diet.